Personalize Your Ceremony with Meaningful, Custom Vows

How (and why!) to Write Personalized Wedding Vows

Have you ever wondered if you should write personalized wedding vows? If you’re like lots of modern couples, you want unique vows that express your love and commitment to each other. Writing custom vows is an opportunity to turn a tradition into something meaningful, symbolic and special. On a day that’s all about celebrating your unique romance, why use words everyone else uses?

To us, etiquette is the physical manifestation of thoughtful consideration. And what can be more thoughtfully considered than the lifelong commitment you make to another person? Vows that you have taken time and care to write yourself are the utmost form of showing your beloved that you see, value, and care for them.

When you put your commitment and consideration for your beloved into custom written vows, you’ll have a lifelong treasure that symbolizes your respect, love and care for each other.

Marriage is all about the dance of binding yourself to another while respecting your own individuality, and it’s a lifelong learning process. And your vows are your public declaration of promising to do everything you can to do that dance well.


Couple reading personalized wedding vows to each other in country-chic ceremony. | The Art of Etiquette

What makes a vow…a vow?

A wedding vow is a sacred promise. It’s a covenant that you declare publicly in front of all of those you love and care about the most. It’s what makes a wedding, well, a wedding.  

While it’s lovely to express your feelings for someone in your vows, a vow goes far beyond emotion. A wedding vow comes from the most selfless part of your soul, and it’s these promises that you’ll return to over and over during the best and hardest days of marriage.

Keep in mind, your vow to your beloved is not about losing yourself; it’s about coming together as a team and celebrating the ways that you promise to help each other grow.

Your vows are perhaps the most intimate and special words you’ll ever say to each other. So making them something special is important—and we’re here to give you the best tips possible for writing vows you’ll cherish.


Bride tearing up after reading personalized wedding vows to her groom | The Art of Etiquette

Why write your own vows?

Customized wedding vows make your wedding ceremony soulful, personal, and intimate. It may feel awkward sharing these intimate vows in front of a couple hundred people, but the moments you say your vows are yours, and yours only. In fact, it’s one of the only parts of your entire wedding that belong to you and you alone. The reception is about giving your guests an unforgettable experience. Your dress, cake flavors, invitations, etc. could have compromises or shared attention. But, in those few precious moments of exchanging your vows, you get the rare chance to focus only on each other.

Your vows are also a huge opportunity to infuse your ceremony with significance and personalization. You can make promises that are specifically meaningful and symbolic to you as a couple. You can tell anecdotes to allow your guests to understand your relationship more deeply.  And those words you write will be that much more special and close to your heart as time goes on in your marriage.

The entire purpose of a wedding is to publicly proclaim your commitment so don’t just go through the motions. This moment matters and we’ll help you make it wonderful.


Bride reading personalized wedding vows from custom vow book | The Art of Etiquette

Tips for Writing Vows – How to Prepare

You may feel intimidated or even sick to your stomach to think about writing everything you feel into sacred promises, but know this: writing personalized wedding vows will be something you certainly won’t regret. In fact, like a fine wine, they get better with age. You’ll be so glad you took the time to craft something personal.

We’ll get into the details of how to write your vows in a later post, so for now, here are a few ideas to start thinking through, so when you sit down to write you’re not staring at a totally blank page.

Do you have any poems, songs or quotes that means something to your relationship?
If you’re having trouble getting started, borrowing someone’s words as inspiration is a great starting point.

What are some of the brightest stories in your memory?
Share something funny or poignant that’s happened in your life or relationship. What did you first notice about your beloved? What has happened in your relationship that told you this person was the one you wanted to marry? Think of a story and include it in your vows.

Do you have any of your old letters or cards?
Dig out old love letters you’ve written to each other. What did you say in them that’s still true now? Is there something you wrote that you hoped for that happened?

What marriages do you really admire?
Think of marriages you admire. What qualities do they have that you want to have in your own marriage? Make a list of these things, and before you know it, you’ll have started your list of promises you want to make to your future spouse.


Up Next: How to Write Your Vows

In our next post, we’re focusing on the details of how to write personalized wedding vows, including what kinds of promises you might want to make, how long your vows should be, and how to practice. For now, we invite you to pour yourself a glass of wine or champagne and start musing on the tips above to let your story unfold.